From Roommates to Playmates: Building Lasting Intimacy Without Pressure

Guest: Amy Color, Intimacy Coach, TEDx Speaker & Author

In this juicy and enlightening episode, I’m joined by the amazing Amy Color — renowned Intimacy Coach, TEDx Speaker, and author of The Huddle: How to Score in Sex & Love.

Amy shares how her personal journey led her to create The Intimacy Game Plan, a science-backed, heart-centered approach that helps couples reconnect emotionally and physically — without therapy, pills, or pressure.

We talk about:
✨ Why intimacy is a skill (and how anyone can grow it)
✨ How to go from feeling like roommates to rekindling desire and fun
✨ What stops most couples from creating lasting connection
✨ Tools to shift from scarcity and shutdown into love, play, and presence
✨ How to build private, powerful moments that keep love alive

Whether you're in a long-term relationship or healing your connection with yourself, this episode is a must-listen.

Learn more about Amy at amycolor.com
And don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share this episode if it resonates with you! 💛

Transcript

 welcome back to the podcast. I'm so happy you're here. I am so excited for today's guest. Amy Color is a renowned intimacy coach, TEDx speaker, and author of the Huddle, how to Score in Sex and Love.

She's the creator of the Intimacy Game Plan, a proven program that transforms couples from roommates to playmates without therapy, pills, or pressure. Amy became the help she and her husband couldn't find blending therapy, tantra and neuroscience. She developed practical science backed methods that

have helped thousands of men and couples build emotional connection, physical intimacy, and real chemistry. Her mission is for every relationship to start with an intimacy game plan, a commitment to continually show up and grow together through life's wins and losses. Using a formula that works for both partners.

Intimacy is a skill you grow together by creating consistent, private moments of connection. So I'm so excited. Amy, welcome to the show. Thank you for sharing your story and coming on and talking to us. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really glad to be here with you. Thank you. Amy, so I'd love to start with your story.

How did your personal experience, lead you to become an intimacy coach and create the intimacy game plan? Well. I found the man that I loved and I was in my mid thirties and I was highly, if we would say in my masculine, running an advertising and design agency in Los Angeles. And I finally met the man of my dreams.

And, um, I knew that he had health issues that were affecting his ability to perform. And I loved all of him from head to toe. And I felt like many women, oh my goodness. Finally somebody who loves me for more than just sex. And he's powerful and he's in charge. And I felt totally feminine with him. I could drop my need to control everything.

He's a, he's a really amazing man. And so I married him and I'm like, oh, we'll figure it out. Just like everybody goes into a marriage going, oh, we'll figure it out. But obviously people aren't figuring out marriage, let alone sex. So when I went to my husband, I'm like, okay. I, I tried and I realized I couldn't fix it with, from within my marriage, even though in my, by my thirties, I'd had lots of experience teaching lots of men what to do.

It's different when you're in a relationship, like on a football team, you can't go and go, you can't throw the ball, right? You're not player, right? Uhhuh. But if you're just playing in the park, you can go to him and go, Hey, throw me the ball like this. And they go, okay. It's so different once that commitment happens or once that piece of vulnerability shows up.

So we did the stuff you're supposed to do. He went to doctors, we went to therapists. He, and I'm like, I remember sitting in the therapist and I'm like, oh, I love therapy. Now I get to go to couples therapy. I can't see what this is like. And it was awful. How is, how is talking about sex gonna help? Right?

The therapist asked him and he was like, oh, we're fine. And I thought to myself, I remember sitting there going, even if he said what was going on, what is she gonna do? And she skipped right over it. Oh, we're fine. And I literally thought in my head, nobody goes to a couple's therapy. If their sex life is fine, fix their sex life, you fix everything.

Hmm. Interesting. We went to the best sex doctors in Beverly Hills, so he and I cried. Huh? Oh, so he, so he had, so he had a rectal dysfunction, he had prostate issues, and he had, he later on had prostate cancer. Mm. And we went to the best sex doctors in Beverly Hills, and they're talking about pills, pumps, and injections.

And I'm going, he's not broken. I, I didn't want, he was fine. I married him like this. Can't somebody teach him how to stop focusing on his equipment? Right. And love me, touch me the way that he loves me in his heart. Hmm. Can't somebody show him how to be interested in my body and my being the same way he is interested in my mind and my ability to connect with him?

Yeah. Where do we go to be lovers and partners? So while I was married to him, I was going to studying to be a voice actor, which is why I do so many voices. Uh, I didn't know that I decided to be a couple. I wanted to study so I could solve our own relationship. And I looked at, I was in, I'm in university, I'm studying counseling, I'm studying therapy.

I'm going, none of this would've helped. I studied all the top therapeutic programs, got me a mago packed sex sexological. I studied everything. I went, none of this would've helped my husband and me. And then I started studying tantra. And, uh, by that time I had to separate from my husband and I was separating so that I could find a solution, which was gonna be honest with you.

I didn't want to cheat on my husband. Yeah. So I separated from my husband so that I could go out. I mean, it was just, I felt like this is so stupid and so many people are living like this. Yeah. So many people are living like this. I could see it all around me and I'm looking and I'm going, I felt like the therapists and the doctors were causing my family to fall apart.

Hmm. So you found and after studying Yeah, I, so I found the solution and by working with thousands, so while I'm studying, this is a great, while I'm studying couples therapy and sex therapy, and my colleagues are knowing what I'm doing, I, somebody sent somebody and I'm doing energy healing, and I'm doing a voice acting for commercials and auditions.

You're, oh, you were doing ener, you were having energy healing done on yourself, or you were no performing? I am. I am an energy healer. Oh. I could literally walk up to somebody and go, oh, your arm hurts. It's your, I I was really strong at that point in my life. So I was doing energy healing body work. I was studying, um, physiotherapy because I took good care of my husband.

I did tons and tons of research to help him with his erectile dysfunction. I did tons and tons of research to take care of his prostate so that he didn't get enlarged anymore, and so it didn't become cancerous. So I'm studying all this stuff and one of my colleagues says, I got a woman I gotta send to you.

She's got all these pains in her body and she's had all these emotional traumas. She's stuck in her head. So she sends somebody to me and I, you know, got adjusting her body and her neck. And I said to her, 'cause I'm me. How's your sex life? And she said, what sex life? My husband has er, recal dysfunction.

And I went, oh, how long has it been? And so she's like, I've, I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. And she's fully clothed. This woman is fully clothed. And I said, you know, mind if I, and I gave her a pelvic floor massage like I do, and brought her into her pelvic and her heart. The woman had an orgasm on my table and she and I just, you know, helped her move it through her body and tears and all this stuff.

And she, Liz is clothed and she's like, you're a sexual healer. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. And she said, I wish my husband could do that. And I said, honey, so does he bring him? I will show you what to do to him. I'll show you what him, what to do to you. Hmm. So they came, and this is my favorite part of the story.

She told two friends and he told 22 friends. Wow. And you got a business and you started a business. I was booked months and months and months in advance, helping men with a rectal dysfunction, prostate porn, everything they could never talk to their wives about. I've been in therapy and we're still not having sex.

Um, I've got a, a porn habit. I'm running a secret life. Yeah. So everything and I, they would travel around the world to get somebody to help them when they've got a hot, younger wife. Rock stars, what do I do with my hot girlfriend? And I've helped porn stars perform better on porn, but also stop performing, learn about sensual pleasure and actual vulnerability and connection in their own real lives.

Hmm. So between everything I know about psychotherapy, tantra, and the study of neuroscience, I tested all my stuff. Neuroscience, um, I. I merged it and teach people how to actually sort of like learning a football player, learning to dance together, learn to be intimate together because we all have a fear around being hurt, around being vulnerable.

Mm-hmm. But we get into relationships and we feel more insecure because we don't have a game plan moving forward. Yeah. So many of my women have told me, I didn't realize how much anxiety was causing me going, are we gonna make it for a week? Are we gonna make it in two years? Yeah. And now they have a plan.

So speak on Tantra. Tantra 'cause I've heard of it and I'm just really curious and there's probably people listening that don't know what that is. Mm. Tantra is now that, you know, I use words, tantra is a sacred art of sacred sexuality. It's a spiritual practice that really embodies connection and uh, it is.

So in the study of science, mixing it with psychotherapy. So tantra is the word tantra means to weave. Hmm mm-hmm. So weaving the energies. So the word tantra, yeah. It means weave. And you're weaving your physical, your emotional, your sensory, your external body. So in my practice I use a, a thing called the huddle, which is that sound.

Mm-hmm. And when you make that sound with someone, it is so vulnerable. It's so, it's more vulnerable than talking. It's more vulnerable than sex. So that's why people go, oh, well this is silly. This is silly. And I go, okay, try to do it. And I make people practice it with me if that's a huddle sound. Because you tell, and that's why my dog does it all the time when I'm, he is like a cat.

He purrs, like I use it like, like a purring. 'cause my dog, I've never had a dog that like, whatever, what do you call it? Huddles. Huddles, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's adorable. He's so loving and so like, just like enjoying, right? Yeah. You, because you can feel him, you can feel how he's feeling when somebody makes that sound.

Even if they're going, oh. Yeah, you can feel it. So it's an emotional language and it's physical language, but when we talk about it with tantra, it's such a simple concept when you have two people and they're both going. Mm-hmm. Okay. So you, and even if, yeah, the huddle that was in my questions, it was about the huddle, because you're a TEDx talk, your TEDx talk in your book, the huddle focused on intimacy in a really fun, approachable way.

And so you just shared what that huddle represents, right? Mm-hmm. So you say that intimacy is a skill that's so empowering. What are some of the biggest myths you see people believe about intimacy? Um, great question. And yeah, it, uh, when we get into a relationship, we think that we are, you know, we both have the same point of view.

We're both, oh my God, you're so much like me. This is gonna be so great. So we expect intimacy to happen naturally. And that's like expecting dinner to happen naturally. Uhhuh. And we have different appetites, and the word libido literally means sexual appetite. But in my world, in my program, we don't talk about sex, we talk about pleasure.

I tell people to not even use the word sex. 'cause that's biology. I love that. Yeah. That's why people are going sick. Do you wanna be, do you wanna be finished off so we can do that thing that we're supposed to do? It's, it's like if we switch it to pleasure, that's the intimate part. But intimacy means to hurt, means open.

I can drop my walls and share my emotions. Mm. Whereas to him, intimacy means sex. Right. Intercourse. So when, yeah. Yeah. And intimacy to me is sportsmanship. Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's the emotional and the physical connection that comes from showing up consistently, feeling emotionally safe. Like you can throw the ball back and forth.

And you know, if you look at it like athletes, he can look at his buddy and go, and he knows how he's gonna throw the ball to him. He's gonna throw it. Yeah. He's gonna throw a fat. That's the emotional intelligence that I talk about. That's why it works. Because it works for men. Yeah. So many couples feel like roommates over time.

How does your work help shift that dynamic into something more playful and connected? Thank you. The reason that we fall into roommates is because if you joined a football team and you didn't have a schedule, you'd stop playing football. Right. If you didn't go, okay, we have to have dinner every night at six o'clock.

It wouldn't happen, right? So if you go into it and you say, we have a practice game on Wednesday, which means we connect in the living room in my world, and I tell you exactly what movements to do. We huddle in the living room, we have this moment of connection. I teach you how to actually access sensual pleasure in a way that works for him, for her, for absolutely every single human.

So what I'm hearing is expectations. That's what I'm hearing, right? Yeah. And having a plan. Expectations. Exactly. Just like that football team, they hope they're showing up prepared. Yes. For whatever happens. Yeah. You never know what's gonna happen, but when you have your starting positions and you know what you're doing and you've had a practice together, it's gonna be a game.

And even if we win or we lose, it's gonna be great. So having a plan and a practice and championship games is what keeps you not being roommates. Intimacy is the difference between being platonic friends and roommates and not. Yeah. So if you're just doing chores together, it's gonna do it. But I teach people to stop and huddle together.

It's three breaths, no more talking about our issues. Mm-hmm. And then you're not roommates anymore, then you're suddenly aware of each other. You have this physical action that we do together, even if it's just huddling. Mm-hmm. And, and I say it, just literally, just doing it with somebody makes you feel closer to them.

Yeah. So what's one simple science backed practice that can I immediately increase emotional connection between partners? It's this huddle and here it is. You put a poem on your chest and the action of putting a poem on your chest in, in the center here activates the same part of your brain as when you are getting a hug.

So this is actually self-soothing right here. And in your relationship and in all parts of life. 'cause this takes practice and I do it in all parts of my life. I put a palm on my chest right here and I immediately go. Mm-hmm. Like ease, like you immediately feel ease and like comfort. No, I immediately feel connected.

'cause I can be angry and I can be pissed and I can go uhhuh, uhhuh. And what it does is you're calming your brain, so you're synchronizing your brain and at the same time I'm expressing my emotion. And emotion means energy and motion. They need to be emoted. But as soon as we start using words, we're thinking them instead of feeling them.

And as women, we get taught, we get stuck in talking about our feelings, whereas men. Wanna feel. Yeah. This is the part of feel that we're missing. Yeah. So when you make this huddle together and you do this, you're coming back to your feeling body. You'll see there's a basketball down there. I've been coaching men for 27 years.

Wow. Yeah. Uhhuh, I know that. Yeah. Yeah. I was just gonna say that most men from dating profiles or whatever, will always say one of their love languages is physical touch. Like it's al it literally every man, it's physical touch. It's one of their love languages. And I, I can't really say the same for myself because I grew up in a house where there wasn't physical touch.

So I am like one that doesn't really, I have to be, I don't know, it's like one, I have to be super attracted to someone. And even, even so it's just the physical touch is, is definitely a thing. So I just know that's not one of my love languages, but. Um, what advice do you have for people who want more intimacy but feel disconnected or afraid to bring it up?

Okay. You want more intimacy. Afraid to bring it up. I have to go back to love languages. Love you. Okay. Sure. If, if somebody's love language is not physical touch, if a man, I'm gonna shift that. If a man's love language is not physical touch, then that says to me that he has a performance issue. Just saying, ladies, yeah, Uhhuh.

And if he has a performance issue, this, that is my specialty. I can teach anybody. 'cause oftentimes we get into somebody, a relationship with somebody and we have a thing with physical touch because we don't like the way they touch us. I'm telling you, I've talked to some of the top sex therapists, some of the most famous sex therapists who've said to me, I don't like the way my husband touches me.

And I'm like, if you can't help them. Then think about your clients. And that's why I do what I do. I teach people how to touch. I teach people how to stay in attraction because you talked about, you know, I can't do it if I'm not attracted to them. So a lot of times you can be with somebody you love and the sex will still repel you if you're not connected.

So you were saying how does somebody increase intimacy if they've got those little barriers? And that's why I say we have to practice these things. Take practice. So putting a poem on your own self and going mm-hmm. Helps you practice so that you're open to connecting. Otherwise, we get around somebody and we're trying to think if we're attracted to them.

If you think of yourself like a biological being, this is neuroscience you are on, your nervous system is magnetic. We are electromagnetic beings, especially our heart field. So what I'd say to people is just stop what you're thinking. The best way to do that is to come back to your body, which is the mind body connection of putting your palm on your chest.

And with enough practice, you're just going, mm, and then you can drop whatever crap you think he's talking about. You know, he's talking about stuff I'm not interested, and you can hear that it's coming from his heart, or if he's just trying to impress you. Mm-hmm. Or if it's your, your partner and you've lost attraction for him, it's because you're listening to what he's saying and you're going, you're an idiot.

Which is why I tell people to stop talking. Yeah. Uhhuh. So I literally, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I was gonna say, do you have suggestions for women who are high achieving and busy and feel like intimacy has taken a back seat? Um, and I, I just saw this movie, the Intern on Netflix. It's an older movie with Robert De Niro.

I don't know if you saw it or remember it, but anyway, it's this, you know, um, woman, he ends up working as an intern. He is a senior, but it's not about him. It's more about, well, the reason I brought it up is because this woman, um, she's like. A creator of this amazing business and now it's taking off and she's so busy and her husband's the stay at home dad, he stopped working just to help her build what she's doing and stay home with the daughter.

And then he is having an affair with another mom and she knew about it and the intern sees it. And anyway, she knew about it and she was a lot like, just hoping it would stop or whatever. She was gonna forgive him because she understood what was going on. The point is the question really is around these high achieving women and busy, busy, busy and on the go and all that, and then they feel like,, intimacy is taken a backseat.

And I know this is common and it probably happens all the time, but curious, like, what would you, um, suggest for women like them? Again, when you huddle with a partner, you are dropping your defenses. In my work, in my world, I want women to be able to get what they need. And if you can't drop your walls and let someone hold you, and also we let somebody hold us, then we feel, still feel like it's work.

We're, we're still emotionally supporting them. We're physically performing for them. In my world, I literally teach men to be what I call the team captain. I teach them how to come up to her and change her state of mind in a minute. I call it hi. I call it a hero hold. He's not talking. He wipes the words off of her

this is how I teach him. As soon as you can get an authentic and you're holding her here and you get an authentic ugh, you've cracked open her body, you've changed her mind. You've got an authentic sound out of her body, which means she had to drop the spinning thoughts for just a minute. That's his job.

That's what I teach him to do. And if she, if he's not on it with her, I teach her how to go to him so that she can get that, that space from him. Mm-hmm. Nice, nice. Um, what role does self-awareness and self-love play in building stronger intimacy with a partner? Obviously self-awareness. We, that's self-explanatory.

We all know that, right? But like, self-love. Okay. So self-awareness and self-love. A lot of times people use those words and they say, we all, we know what self-awareness is. But I say it a different way. Self-awareness is something that we talk about, but we don't know how to do. Self-love is something we talk about, what we don't know how to do.

I take self-love. Oh, okay. Well, I, I'd love to hear more about what you do, how you teach it. Well, I mean, it's about loving your own company and learning to be with yourself and love and accept yourself and forgive yourself and know that you're worthy, of all the things and just, , practice, like you said, it's a practice.

You don't just decide and that's it. , Do it once and, but it's just taking loving action. Like what's the most next, most loving action I can take for myself? It's, it's giving yourself grace. It's, there's so many things around self-love, but a lot of women, um, have been taught to compare and compete and, you know, judge ourselves and judge, you know, judge others and, you know, it's, it's really, it's a practice and, um, so yeah, there's a lot of different activities to love yourself and learn to love yourself.

I talk about how it's human nature to feel com compare and compete. And the easiest way to see that is in athletes. They're ev it's, and they're there. Our most high achieving of humans. There, there are athletes, biologically, and it's, you can see where they're really driven to compare and compete, but they literally practice they practice, they practice, they practice, they wear the same jersey so that they can remind themselves that they are not competing.

This is, uh, American sign language. That they're actually on the same side. Yeah. Or competing with themselves from, you know, that you Yeah. They wanna show up as their best and this, so when people talk about self-aware, I say that self-awareness comes from this huddle, because this is how I know what I'm feeling.

Oh. And I, I say it to myself all the time. You okay. Uhhuh? Mm-hmm. So awareness is also knowing where your boundaries are, and this is also access to your boundaries, this huddle sound. Um. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's hard to say no because it's a word, but as soon as you have access to your inner huddle, you know whether it's a yes and no or a hell no.

Yeah, Uhhuh. And then you can look at why. It doesn't matter why. The first thing is self-awareness is where are your boundaries and how are you feeling and how do you express your feelings? And when you have access to this, it is complete self-awareness. And also the self-love is awareness to accept yourself even in your flaws.

And I talk about this huddle sound. Mm-hmm. That is an act of love that I want people to do for themselves and also with their partners because we all have love to give. I hear this from men. I have so much love to give. I just wanna find somebody to love. I wanna find somebody to love. Oh yeah. You know what it's like.

I wanna throw, find somebody to throw my ball to. We all like to throw the ball, but catching the ball. That's scary. Same as love. What if I don't catch it? What if it hits me in the face? What if it hurts? How do I feel loved? How do I receive it? That's why we have this practice. Right? 'cause it's a vulnerable action that you can give and actually receive love.

Yeah. So it's an act of self-love, an act of self-awareness, and also partner awareness. How can I accept them even though they voted for who? Right, right. Yeah. And, and yeah, we can speak on that, but like a, a partner or, I mean, I, I did a solo episode on online dating and I was saying that two blocks could be not feeling worthy of that.

So like thinking, when we're talking about, you know, self-love, if you don't love yourself, you may not feel worthy of this amazing relationship. And,, ultimately, um, self-love is, you know, it's, it's like I'll be okay even if this doesn't work out because I have me. Mic drop. Like that's and and that's true.

I have God. You are. Yeah. You are here. You are. Okay. You are willing to keep going forward. But to me, self-love is knowing that you are worthy and this is what worthy feels like. We all have a piece of us that feels unlovable. Some of us bigger than others. Yeah. Some of us bellies, some of our bellies are bigger than other people's, but we all have a piece of us that feels unlovable.

We get into a relationship to prove ourselves right or wrong. And sometimes we're with somebody or, or us ourselves. Sometimes we feel more lovable for a year and less lovable for six months. So we, it's a actual matter of seeing ourselves reflected. So when people say you cannot beat love somebody until you can love yourself, I disagree.

Sometimes seeing ourselves being loved by somebody allows us to see ourselves as lovable. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Beautiful. Yeah. That's beautiful. And that brings us back to the beginning of why I married my husband in my thirties, even though he wasn't the best lover I ever had. Hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , I have a friend who, like, she dated someone with a very small body part, and so of course they can accommodate, um, you know, that by, um, having other skills, but what? Oh, wow. How do you help? Like, I guess there's, you know, there's toys, there's all kind.

Yeah, go ahead. You know, but if you give one of those men toys, they don't know what to do with it. And so I can't even, they don't know what to do with it. I, I, I literally teach, I teach this stuff. I teach toys. I teach how to do foreplay because you'll think those, that man who's like, he's compensating in other ways.

Yeah. That's what he, yeah. Yeah. He's compensating in other ways, but sometimes they think they are because they learned one method, but he hasn't learned her body. Right. I teach him how to learn her body. This is totally different. And I teach every man, I don't care if it's tiny or huge, that strap ons aren't just for her.

Like you want, you've got a woman who wants to like, have wild sex or wants extra men. Fine. Cover her eyes. Get six different name each one. This one's Rocco. This one's Danny. This one's, you know, Pedro. Name them. Have fun together. So I would look at those men and I have, I've been helping men with these things forever and say, as soon as you pull a toy out, and I would tell him which one, and I would make him feel confident on it.

I've told men, show up with this toy in your pocket to every date, and don't start with your own equipment. Start with this because she's gonna go, Ooh, this is gonna be fun, uhhuh. And they also have too large to where it's painful, which, again, opposite issue, which again, I've, I've also told those men, you know, he is like, oh, it's too big.

And I've told those men, when you enter her the way that I teach you to enter her, it won't hurt her. And, and I do teach that properly because most women have experienced this through life. When it comes to the entrance part. They go, okay, go. And it is the act of entrance that then causes her to lubricate.

When you follow my method and you go Mm. Even if you fake it and just go Mm mm you'll feel your mouth salivate. And when this salivates honey, all of you does. Mm-hmm. This is science. Yeah. It's the science. Yeah. So before we hit record, you and I had a little conversation and you were, you brought up porn and how you deal with, and I, I told you that I interviewed a guy that, , was a porn addict and now he's a porn addict coach.

And um, he told me like that, how it's just a gigantic epidemic or whatever. And you know, it's interesting 'cause you know, most women may not know that. So do you wanna speak on the porn topic that we kind of. Gladly. Um, I have, I just a couple of weeks ago posted a great video about porn and, and how I help men and I'm gonna shoot another one apparently.

'cause somebody sent me questions. Um, I have chapters in my book, the Huddle about porn. I've actually been helping men with this for so long, 25 years. So a whole generation of people have been raised on porn, and it's changed. Porn isn't the same way it was when I was a kid. You're not opening a playboy.

You're not watching, uh, the, the pizza boy going to the woman's house. There's no longer a scenario. You're just watching the graphic image. Mm-hmm. So what's happening is, is, um, I don't, I'm not gonna go to the science of it, but if somebody wants to hear the science of it, it's in my, uh, video. But what's happening is the men are going into relationships and they're, they think that that's what sex is, and their brain is used to this intense imagery.

So when it comes to being in the action, they can't feel their bodies. Men are numb, and I'm gonna share this too. A lot of women can't feel their bodies either, more so now than they could even 10 years ago, because a wire bra, high heels, eyelashes, these things are not comfortable. Mm. Uhhuh. So when women think of what's sexy, it's not about their round body lounging in their belly, shifting to the side.

It's more about being that, that that skinny, uncomfortable thing. So women are going, I'm supposed to look like porn. And men are going, I'm supposed to be looking like porn. And I've actually trained porn guys because I helped men with Ed. So a guy came to me one time and he is going, can you help me perform better on camera?

'cause I got all the equipment and I have this opportunity. I'm like, yeah, here's your exercises. This will work. So he goes off and he's performing better and he's sending other people to me and they're recognizing each other 'cause they're all doing the same exercises. Oh my goodness. But then he comes and he's married to a porn star.

He's married to his co-star and he comes to me and he is going, why are we not having sex? And I said, oh, because you think that's what sex is? Intimacy is vulnerability. Intimacy is sharing pleasure with a partner. 'cause anybody can. Right. Fuck. Pardon me. But yeah, that is what you're doing. That's biology, right?

You're doing it like a dog, like a bird, like a bee, A real lover knows how to bring pleasure, how to make her moan from his touch, not from her having to recover for three days. I know these people. Yeah. That's not about pleasure. So it's really confusing people. Mm-hmm. Right. I don't shame them for it. I look at it like football.

So even somebody, if they love football, once they join a team, they can still watch football, but it changes the way they watch. So when they, I learned to teach 'em embodied. Mm-hmm. Interesting. How can singles or those in between relationships begin building intimacy within themselves to prepare for healthy love?

Well, I have to share this 'cause it's a perfect entree. I have a locker room for women and a locker room for men, and it's a public locker room, and it's currently only like $27 a month. Or 29, I can't remember which. And I literally teach people all these things, the huddle, how to connect, how the, and I say to people all the time, this is how you wanna show up on a date.

You wanna be able to go, mm mm mm You wanna see if you, they're, you're interested in them. If you're interested in them. Not just, oh, he's attractive. Oh, he has money. Oh, she's hot. Oh he's this the person. You literally wanna stop and see if you can feel him. Women are so used to talking about their feelings that when I get them to stop talking about them is when they start to go, oh, wow.

Yeah. But I'm just thinking about like. What I understand is attraction mutual, like you have to have it, and I, I know that you can. It grows on, you know, people are attractive. Their, their confidence is attractive, their personality is attractive. Like it makes them more attractive because, you know, ultimately, I, I'm not a fan of online dating just because you can't see the personality, you can't see the confidence, you can't see how they carry themselves, and men don't usually know how to take good photos.

So it's like, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, we don't shop for people, right? That's what I say. Yeah. We don't shop for people. However, what I want people to know is that attraction changes throughout time. So even if you look at attraction, if I look at it on a biological level, 'cause that's how I roll. If I look at it from a biological level, and I'd look at pheromones and I would say to a single woman, you know, sometimes you're about to be with somebody and all of a sudden your body's going, Nope, that's pheromones.

Um, you can tell, I've, I've even had men call me and go, how come? So all of a sudden I'm having a recal dysfunction. I don't even know these people. I just give advice and I'll, I've been with my wife for eight years and all of a sudden it's not working and I'm going, oh. You don't know me, but I'll bet she's been with somebody else because her pheromones changed and pheromones changed based on the amount of multiple partners that you have.

Wow. I can literally, yes. Pheromones are so super sensitive. Hmm. And when you are super sensitive to that, so that attractiveness, that's chemistry. And our chemistry changes with somebody. That's why we get in a relationship and you go, I'm not attracted to them anymore. But when you actually huddle together, you are activating your Mm.

The saliva. Saliva or the neuropeptides saliva affect your pheromones. When you huddle with somebody, you're actually building chemistry to them. You will continually be physically attracted to them. Nice. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Magnetically. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's the science. That's so interesting. Um, so you have, you have different things that women can do or anybody can do that's single in between relationships.

Yeah. Um, very cool. Can I, can I share an exercise with you? Sure. And I share this with my married and my singles 'cause it's really important and we see men do it. I give this to men and it's really important for women. When you go to the grocery store, when you are out in public, I want you to remind yourself that you are attracted to people, whether they're appropriate for you or not.

I want you to look around and go, Ooh, what a gorgeous little cupcake. I'll look at that hot older man. I want you to see the beauty in all of them. And whenever you look at one, I want you to go, mm mm. Because what that does is it builds a memory so that you can pull back, oh, remember that boy I saw? Got it.

Oh, that's so cool. Because I gotta tell you, I, I am more physically attracted to younger men. Just generally. Like, that's just, and, and just, I like young people. And my son would always say, you're never attracted to anyone. You're not attracted to anyone. But then when I would see someone like, you know, whatever, 30, 40, whatever he is younger, um.

He'd be like, oh, okay, good. Like, you are attracted to someone because he'd always say you're not attracted to anybody. But I love that exercise and I, I do do that even older, you know, it's just, it's um, mm-hmm. Yeah, I was at a habad on Friday night and this couple, he was an older guy and, you know, we're talking, we had never spoken before and it's a whole conversation, but then I said, yeah, I remember you, I've seen you before.

I remember seeing you here. You know, he is married and I'm not attracted to him. He's much older, but he's an attractive man. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. He has a full of hair. I mean, whatever things that I, you know, personally find attractive and his care, charismatic, you know, his personalities. Cool. So I just, I just thought of that when you said that.

Um, I love that exercise. That's very, very cool. Um, it is. What does it mean to have an intimacy game plan? And, and why do you believe every couple should start there? I. Okay. When we get into relationship, we get into relationship hoping it's gonna work. Oh my gosh, I hope this is gonna work. We hope we're gonna be there for each other.

We hope the sex will get better and better. We hope that he's gonna learn my body and be a better and better lover. We hope that he's going to show up for us, that we're gonna make dinner together, that we're gonna dance in the kitchen. He's hoping he's gonna get blow jobs for the rest of his life. Right.

So it's exactly, it's if we go into a game plan, then she's gonna feel like all he ever wants is that blowjob. We don't have connection. We're not dancing in the kitchen. Mm. Yeah. Uhhuh, that's what the game plan is. Yeah. So when the game plan, you literally are pulling out a calendar and I have a free download of it.

So get that freaking download, because some of my couples, I have couples I worked with six years ago for three weeks, getting them over. Betrayal. Mm-hmm. A betrayal and I was like, get in, get back in connection. This is what you're gonna do for two weeks. This is your game plan moving forward. It was before I had my whole program and they're like, they still re judge me.

I just got an anniversary letter from them. It's our anniversary. We love you. Aw, that's amazing. Yeah. People send me flowers on their anniversary, but they're going, we're still going strong. We still take turns. We still huddle. It was two years before they could talk about what happened. 'cause I said, don't talk about it.

You will know when and you have a formula to talk about these vulnerable things We, because I also teach you how to talk about it and us. So yeah, having a game plan means we practice in the living room. You know how to give me pleasure in the living room. We have these tools. We know how to play in the bedroom and it's gonna keep getting better and better.

It's not gonna be like, Ugh, his small dick, sorry. Now what do I do with this for the rest of my life? Right? How long can I hold on for this? 'cause he gonna learn how to do anything. And men will say, I'm gonna, I'm figuring it out. I'm going to see a doctor. And the only thing the doctor's gonna tell him to do is get an implant.

And I want you to know once he has an implant, I've been helping men a long time. He's numb, he can't feel anything. So now it's even all more visual and even more frustrating for men. And a huge outcome of an implant is, is suicide. So I don't want that. Oh geez, I never heard of that. I mean, that's crazy.

Oh my God. So are you single? What is your relationship status? Oh my God, I can't believe I asked. I'm still married. I've been separated from my husband. I was with my husband for eight years. We've been separated for, what, 17 years now? 18 years. But we are so close. So he is and will always be my husband.

Just like I say to other people, you can't find another home team. I even, I've had instances where I've been with couples and I've had a man say to me, oh my God, I wish I had this with my first wife. And his wife is sitting right there and I'm like, oh, shoot. Sorry honey. Don't worry. He's just saying he's glad he has a now.

Yeah. So we're still married. He has a huge supporter of mine. He wrote the opening to my book saying, wow, you're right. This would've saved our marriage and this is gonna help so many people. Where the hell was this? Okay, so that's really unique. Yeah, yeah. And by helping, yeah. So by helping thousands and thousands and thousands of men for 17 years, I didn't bother dating them.

Right, but, so are you dating and does he date, like you're just, you know, legally he dates, yeah. Okay. Yeah, he dates, he was in a relationship for a while with a woman that I knew and loved. And, um, me, I, I'm on a mission to get my work into the world. It's not, I'm so used to coaching men, a coaching couple.

It's a science to me. So it's sort of like Amy ruins everything. I've, I remember dating somebody one time and I was like, okay, I saw your eyes shift with that woman who went in. Here's what we're gonna do. You are gonna go over to her. You're gonna say this to her. Oh, my friend is here, Papa, blah, blah.

You're gonna go get a bar. You're gonna be right next to her. And then I'm gonna come up to me, I'm gonna go, oh, I just got a phone call. I've really gotta go. Oh, you can keep him company, and that's your wingman. Because I can see when other people make a better connection, I'm there to coach them. I'm not there to, to connect them or date them.

Right. But they're a single different, I mean, but you're. You're, I'm just curious, do you personally go on dates and things? I know this is gonna sound crazy. I'm open to it, but otherwise I, I don't because otherwise I helping thousands of men, they'd walk in and they'd be like, hi. And that's part of why men feel so safe about me is they can flirt with me and I'm like, ah, they can talk to me about anything.

I'm completely nonjudgmental. I don't compare myself to other women. I'm not here to compete. I'm not here to hope that he likes me. I'm not here to find out why did he like her better? But I've been able to ask men, what is it that you fell in love with her? Why are you so hung up about her? One of my favorite ones.

And he says, what did she value the most in life? And he said, Prada. Oh, that's funny. That's wild. So what's one thing you wish more people knew about? Love, sex, and Connection is that it is an art and it is a science. And that when you commit to it, when you're actually in a relationship with a partner, when you go, you are gonna be my human is when you can go deep, that is when it's fearful because it's vulnerable.

But when you join the team, when you actually commit to joining the team and showing up when even when you're not in the mood and you at least huddle because that's what you do for your team and you open yourself to teach your partner actually giving love in the way that they love, which is physical, and they allow you to love them in the way that you love them, which is phy, which is emotional and verbal.

When you practice these things together, it can and will get better and better and better. And otherwise, men don't know how to show up for us. She's going through a hard time. I better leave her alone. I'm not gonna get any Now my men know she's going through a hard time. I know how to hold her. I know exactly what to say to her to let her know that I'm here for her.

My, my couples turn around in, in a month. Yeah. I have a question around, uh, ejaculating to for men. Like, are you spiritual and have you heard about, um, semen retention? I know about all of this stuff. I've been at this for 27. So what are your thoughts on it? Well, here's what I say about, here's what I say about it.

What I talk about is mastery and control. So, so many men are worried about semen retention, or they're calling it semen retention. And I've known thousands, and I'm talking thousands and thousands of men. I've helped that Many men are saying that they're working on semen retention because they can't ejaculate when they're with a partner.

Hmm. They can't uhhuh, so they're calling it and, but what about the one? But what about the ones that truly believe that? I mean, and if, if they're in a, if they're in a, if they're in a solid relationship with a partner and they're practicing semen retention, and he can actually, uh, engage it and move the energy through his body.

Some people call semen retention, and what they're actually doing is ejaculating. They're doing it wrong. But if he knows how to move his energy through his body, I call it the lower light bulb, then, then he's actually harnessing it so that he has more and more sexual energy. If, however, he's single and he's practicing semen retention, don't.

Stay with him. Sorry. Because if he's practicing semen retention and you are having sex with him as a single woman, it's because you need that chemistry intake. We're here to chemistry, balance each other. And if he is withholding his chemistry, fin, his highest chemistry, because I talk about ejaculation and orgasm as a climax of pleasure.

And pleasure has certain hormones that go with it. It's the cheesecake hormone for me. Mm. But uh, honestly, well, if he's retaining that highest form of energy from you and you are the one bringing him to that climax, but he won't share that climax with you, you will end up going, I didn't get my hit of energy.

Oh, that's so I feel. Mm-hmm. I don't look at it. It's science. Yeah. That's interesting. I just feel like he's not getting the pleasure if he doesn't, you know, I don't know. This is getting, oh, no, that's, that's not true. I, I actually teach my men a lot of men that if they teach the reach the point during sex that they're trying to have an orgasm or trying to ejaculate to go, okay, I'm good.

I'm done. Because as soon as you're trying, it's no longer fun. And not every game, just like, you know, in football, they can get to that finish line. That finish line. That's still really good. But not every game has to have a goal. Not every game has a finish, because if you're thinking every game has to have a finish.

Yeah. Then you're just back to the sex and the expectations. Yeah, I think if women, I mean, I don't know. I don't, it never bothered me. I mean, especially if you're not trying to be pregnant or anything, like it's, to me, it would be fine. Um, as long as, I mean, not being a selfish lover, but like for, you know, it's up to him.

It's his body, it's his, you know what I mean? Like yes, yes. In a lot of ways, but when you're in a relationship, you can help your partner to orgasm. We take turns in my program. Okay. We don't, we don't go into one encounter and both try to have orgasms. Okay. It doesn't, it doesn't work. That's what everybody's doing and it doesn't work.

So when you find somebody make one encounter all about him, because then you can make his orgasm the biggest it can be make one orgasm all about her because then you make that orgasm. The biggest it can be, that's when don't, you don't ejaculate it. That one, that's when you are set for that championship game.

He's gonna make it the biggest the best. And it takes two people to have a super orgasm. You cannot just go in and do, do sex the way that we've been doing it. Get off, get in, get off, get out. You're not gonna have a super orgasm. And once you have that level of complexity, connection, and pleasure, it is a game changer.

Mm-hmm. And then you're going, okay, let's do you next week. Oh my God, let's do me. Oh my God, this is gonna get better and better. And then I have couples who literally once a month, they save it up for that once a month, they make out all month taking turns, and then they have this championship games and they're literally having super orgasms together.

It's incredible. And they learn how to communicate in the living room and the kitchen. And they learn how to talk about the sex experience they just had. And it's, and, and it, they're, they're closer than ever. They're bonded. They're played from the living room. That's so, uh, powerful and so, so valuable. I, I can see why you're so successful.

That's amazing. 'cause it's so important. It really, really is first, you know, and, and nobody's teaching it how to do it in a long, how to do love, sex, yeah. And relationships. There was another coach that, um, she, I met through one of the masterminds and she basically was one of these, I think she like, never had an orgasm in her life.

She was like taught the, you know, her religion was teaching her, you know, it's be a good girl or whatever, whatever. No sex till marriage, whatever it was. And then, um, the marriage fell apart and that's when somehow, I forgot the whole story, but she. Went into this and became like a sex therapist. But she was someone who literally like, had never had an orgasm in her entire life, which I'm sure there's women like that out there.

A lot of them Maybe. Um, I shared that story Yeah. About the woman with the pelvic floor massage. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. Yeah.

 I can teach people how to give a pelvic floor massage to their partner and she'll have an orgasm from that without even entering her. Yeah. Also, I have to share. I work with the spinal cord injury, hospital, and I've helped quadriplegics have orgasms. Your body is wired for an orgasm.

I've helped people find an eargasm, an orgasm, the base of the spine right above the crack of your tushy. I've helped so many people who are un who cannot have penetration. There are so many people who can't, if they have vaginal issues, if you've got a rectal dysfunction, if there's been colon cancer, there are so many people who can't.

And there are so many ways to find, to give and receive pleasure with your partner when you have a map to the body, which is what you learned from me. Wow, that's amazing. I remember a friend telling me she was on the treadmill and had an orgasm at the gym fully clothed, and I forgot what triggered it.

Like what in her mind or what, what caused that. , I remember her saying that and I was like, whoa,.  so what's next for you, Amy? And where can listeners go to connect with your work and your book and your offerings? I have, my couples program is the next for everybody.

I think I'm also offering a certification so that people can take my modalities, my team theories, my, the way that I structure my sessions , and help people love each other. I've got a free download, so I just wanna tell people to go to my free download and get their game plan. Start Huddling tonight.

Comes with a video series, comes with a locker room. And if you find yourself in a relationship where there are barriers to intimacy porn, you're just not getting along. Talk to me. I happy to share my tools. That's amazing. And that's amy color.com. Amy keller.com. Mm-hmm. Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing.

Is there anything else you wanna say? I just want people to know that love is available and that long-term relationships do work. That's where we thrive and grow. .  Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you for being here. thank you. Really nice to talk to you.

And if I brought up anything for you, please reach out. I don't want anybody to feel triggered. Oh yeah., Thank you. Thank you.