Cracking the Code on Emotional Eating with Holly Bertone

Holly Bertone—a former FBI Chief of Staff turned Certified Holistic Health Coach—who shares her incredible journey from tracking spies to helping women track their emotional eating patterns. Holly opens up about her own struggles with food, the connection between mindset and she talks about midlife health, and how women can break free from diet culture without relying on willpower or restriction.

Learn:

• Practical tools to reclaim energy and food freedom
• Why getting to the root cause is the best solution
• And why you're not broken—you're just following a broken system

This episode is packed with insights, real talk, and empowering takeaways.

Holly spent 20 years in high-stakes government roles where she managed major operations while navigating intense pressure.
After battling her own "food monsters," Holly realized that cracking the code on emotional eating was the same as tracking spies - identify the pattern and neutralize it. Holly helps midlife women break free from emotional eating, rebel against diet culture, and prioritize their health - without restrictive diets or relying on willpower. 
Through her science-backed approach, she's been featured on major platforms and top podcasts. Her mission is simple: help women fuel their bodies for optimal energy and health.

Website:
https://pinkfortitude.mykajabi.com

Free Lead Magnet (Weight Quiz):
https://pinkfortitude.mykajabi.com/weight-quiz

Instagram:
@holly.bertone 
LinkedIn:
Holly Bertone on LinkedIn 

Transcript

 Hello and welcome back to the podcast.

I'm so happy you're here. Thank you for being here. I know you have so many things to listen to. It means to the world, to me that you're here listening. Today's guest is a former FBI Chief of Staff for Counterintelligence turned certified Holistic health coach.

Her name is Holly Bertone. She has spent 20 years in high stakes government roles where she managed major operations while navigating intense. Pressure after battling her own food monsters, Holly realized that cracking the code on emotional eating was the same as tracking spies, identifying the pattern, and neutralizing the threat.

Now she helps high achieving midlife. Women break free from emotional eating, rebel against diet culture, and prioritize their health without restrictive diets or relying on willpower. Through her science backed approach, she's been featured on major platforms and top podcasts. Her mission is simple, help women fuel their bodies for optimal energy and health.

Who doesn't need this conversation. I am so excited to welcome you to the show. Holly, thank you for being here. Oh, Linda, thanks so much for having me. Absolutely. Um, tell us a little bit about your story, where it began, 'cause you were in the FBI and now you're doing this. Tell us a little bit about your personal journey.

Oh, sure. And Linda, before I begin, before I jump into your story, I really just wanna say how much I love your podcast. Love all the work that you've, you've done. I mean, you talk about, uh, you know, abundance is your birthright. I. And, you know, and I feel the same way about, you know, our health and, you know, and especially as we get older, I mean, we really, you know, it doesn't have to be downhill, but I wanna make sure that everyone listening, that I want you to leave Linda a five star rating and review because it's gonna help her get the word out to more individuals to listen to this podcast.

I left a five star rating and review this morning, so it would really mean a lot to me as, as a guest. You are amazing. I love you already. Thank you, Holly. I appreciate it so much. Yeah, and you know, and the other thing you talk about too, just one of your recent episodes, you were talking about self-care and I think so often we forget that just.

Being healthy, just going back to the basics, what we eat, how we move, just getting out in the sunshine, things like that. I mean, that is self-care that is fueling our body. And you know, and I think so many people, they think that, you know, when we talk about emotional eating, it's. You know, I have this uncontrollable food noise or, um, you know, I, I have this mindless snacking and, and then we obsess over the scale, but it's such a bigger picture.

And I also think too, you know, and especially for women. That we're high achievers. We do all of the, these great careers and families and all of these things, you know, and we've got , the habits and the discipline. But those same strategies don't work when it comes to trying to achieve a healthy weight, maintain a healthy weight, and really just get on the other side of.

Those obsessive cravings in the mindless snacking, especially midlife, because yes, I'm 57 years old and I just see it all collects around the belly and, you know, I personally am increasing my protein and lifting more weights and different things, but, oh, that's awesome. Thank you. Yeah. And I just, I did watch your, um, your thing that you offer, um.

What is it called? I did, I went through the, the quiz and then the, oh, yes. Perfect. Yeah. Your video. Yeah. And it's, it's so powerful because it's so true because I personally gained some weight through emotional eating, and I think everyone can relate to it. And becoming the observer of your life is always number one.

The self-awareness is always number one, like when you're sitting there mindlessly eating, not even paying attention half the time. Yeah, so I'm really excited to hear what happened to you personally that got you here, and clearly there's a giant blessing for the world because you're serving in this way and it's so powerful.

Thank you. And yeah, 53 here. So it's, you know, midlife is, is a whole different story and we're, we're pretending like we're 25. I'm like, no, we gotta do things a little bit differently. Mm-hmm. But I, and, and I also like to think about it from the perspective of, you know, we, we can't look at the scale and say that the scale dictates whether we're healthy or not, or happy or not.

Right. Right. I was, I was, at one point I was 150 pounds. I was 40 pounds overweight and. Eating my emotions on a daily basis. At one point in my life I was 110 pounds. I was a triathlete, quote unquote, healthy and still doing the same thing, eating the same junk food. It's just I was 110 pounds because I was working out all the time.

Right? So, so we really need to think about this from a different perspective and you know, and I think about emotional eating or like, okay, what does that look like? Well. A really good example. So back in my FBI days, I would, I mean just high stress job, I was in counterintelligence and I would, I would dump MM and MS on my desk and color code them.

Because that's me. And then I would speed eat the m and ms with my left hand, and then I would just crank out the work with my right hand. And that's part of it. I mean, that's just this, this, I've got to eat and I've got this stress and I'm trying to take the edge off. Well, when things really came to a head, and this is, this is an embarrassing story to share, this took me a long time to, to actually.

Admit that I was a health coach and I was not healthy, and I had already resigned from the FBI and I had already become a health coach. And in my head I was eating healthy Monday through Friday doing all the perfect things, you know, completely disciplined and I would treat myself, and I always said it was gonna be one pint of ice cream throughout the entire weekend.

So a third, a third, a third Friday, Saturday, Sunday. What happened was I would start to eat the pint of ice cream on Friday and I would eat the entire thing. So I would eat another pint on Saturday and then another pint on Sunday, and, and I justified it, and maybe our listeners can relate, like you just, just have this justification because I was eating healthy all week long and I worked hard, so I'm like, well, I deserve a treat.

Yeah. So that was my, my treat weekend. There was one Sunday in particular that things just it, it got bad because I had inhaled that third pint of ice cream. I didn't even taste it. I don't even remember what it tasted like. And I realized I'm staring at the bottom of the container and I realized my spoon is in the groove.

Trying to get that last bit out of the cardboard, like that little tiny bit and. And I'm staring at the bottom of the container. I'm like, Holly Bartone, what is wrong with you? How is it that you can be a health coach and have this like healthy exterior, you know, on social media and all the things, but then behind closed doors, you've got this big old secret and that's not okay.

Yeah. I was like, why can't I just have a few bites and just put it back in the freezer? Why? I mean, how is this so hard for me? I. Yeah. And you know, and someone listening, might I relate. Yeah. Might be able to relate. Yeah. Pizza, pizza. You've got these emotions. Know yourself. Yeah. You know yourself, and you're like, okay, if I order a pizza, I'm probably gonna eat the whole, I mean, I buy the smaller gluten-free ones, but regardless, it's still the whole pizza.

Yeah. And it's just, yeah. It's so interesting. I personally am. Experience similar. So I can absolutely relate and I know others too. Yeah, it's, it's just a common thing. It's like other people might drink alcohol instead and our choice of drug choice is food and it is. Right, right. And, and just that feeling, and especially as a health coach, that feeling of being a failure, that feel that, that feeling of being a fraud.

And I was like, I'm supposed to be someone who others look up to, but. I went upstairs to my closet and this was an interesting experience because I was looking at the clothes that I don't wear because I was a few pounds overweight, still in a healthy range, but a few pounds overweight and nothing fit anymore.

I'm thinking back to the days that I was overweight and how much just I hated my body and how much I hated how it looks, and how much I was like I this obsession over food, this obsession over the weight, like this is not okay, and that was the hardest truth to admit. Yeah, was that it doesn't matter. I mean, it doesn't matter how much, how much you weigh, how healthy you eat most of the time is that if you're struggling with the emotional eating, that food noise is always gonna win.

And then I realized, I'm like, you know what? It's not just me, it's my clients too. And it's so many other women. And that's when I was like, okay, let me go back to my FBI hat, put the FBI hat back on and really started looking right. The patterns and the trends of like what got us here because the diet industry, they tells us about the cardio and the calories and the the weight and the food and all the things.

But what it actually is, it's, we need to address those root cause triggers and those automatic eating patterns because that is what's driving our behaviors. And those patterns are what control. Yeah. So if you want something to change, you actually gotta go back to those patterns and rewire those patterns to work in your favor.

Exactly. And , where did you see it? Like, I know I saw my mother do it. Yeah, I know. All growing up my mother did it. Yeah. I mean, it was like growing up, don't cry. Here's an ice cream. I mean, we learned it very young where. Even just society. It's like, oh, we're celebrating time to have this. Oh, we're, you know, da da da.

And it's like, you know, celebration. All these things are around food, right? And um, so I. Yeah. I mean, it's just de it's decades of these patterns and beha and behaviors and habits that are just ingrained in us. Right? Right. And today they know though, when the kid's crying, I hope they know to allow it.

Right. Feel your feelings. Right. Get your feelings out. Um, so you told us your personal turning point basically was with the ice cream, you know? Yeah. I appreciate your authenticity and your vulnerability and sharing that truth, because some people come on the show and they're not as. And I appreciate it so much.

Um, you talk about food monsters, I love that metaphor. Can you share like more about what that means? Yeah, I mean, and you know, like I said about the ice cream, just not even eating it, you know, scraping the bottom, like you said, the pizza, I was the same person. I would get pizza and be like, oh yeah, I'm gonna have a slice and eat the entire thing.

It didn't matter if it was a small, medium and large, I would just eat it. Just eat it. Yeah. And, and really those food monsters, they. They help to take the edge off. They help to quiet the noise. They help to make the stress of the day, and usually it's not. Usually it's not acute stress, it's that systemic stress.

It's just that constant. The second you wake up the to-do list, all the things, the rushing from here to there, you know, rushing to work, doing the work thing, rushing home, doing the home thing, finally sitting down at nine o'clock at night and then your spouse or your kids or whatever is like, Hey, I need X, Y, Z.

Or the dog didn't go out, poop. And you're like, you gotta get up. Do the thing. And then we reach for food. That's the one place that's quiet. That's the one place that that takes the edge off. Yeah. And you know, and that's why I kind of talk about it from that perspective, because for me, those food monsters controlled my life.

Yeah. And I went from that place of coaching, from the textbook stuff that I learned in, you know, the different certifications that I have. To actually saying, okay, there's more to this. It's more than just the textbook, so what's going on behind the scenes? That's when I connected the food, the, the dots and, and the patterns between, uh, my own background with the food monsters, with the, everything that I learned in FBI counterintelligence with analyzing patterns and countering threats and then realizing what it actually , is that brain science of neuroplasticity.

And those three together, like that's, that's really when it takes off, that's really when you can start to see those shifts happen. Now is self-love and acceptance inside of that neuroplasticity. Like the tr you're rewiring the brain. Yeah, 100%. I use ft. Yeah. Yeah. I love, oh my goodness, I love EFT.

We do, , we do some, some EFT and NLP exercises combined and, um, and then some other brain-based, uh, brain-based, uh, exercises as well. But yeah, I mean, it's, it, at the end of the day. We are learning how to regulate our nervous system. Yeah. And I mean, if you wanna just boil it down to something very simple, that's what we're doing.

Mm-hmm. Because when our nervous system is regulated, it is easier to not get caught up in the stress, to not get caught up in the, in the, in the sympathetic nervous system. You know, you're fight fright, freeze and fine. And to, to. Spiral with everything that happens and when you can be in that parasympathetic peace state, when you have that calm about yourself, all of a sudden things you, you see things differently.

Mm-hmm. You look at life differently. You have a neutrality about things. You can look at yourself and say, oh geez. Maybe these habits aren't that great. Maybe I need to start thinking about a change. Maybe I need the, the self-love. Like I, I am not loving myself. Right when I'm shoving my face with Oreo cookies.

That's right. Yeah. That's not love. That's chemicals. Yeah. These chemicals are not gonna do anything good for us. Yeah. I wonder if you're aware of this book by Maryanne Williamson called um, A Course in Weight Loss. I have not heard of it. No. So I listened to this. This book was like, she basically said it's an act of self hatred when we're eating like that and you really.

Change your whole relationship with food. And she has you, it's very interesting. It didn't really work for me, but, um, I loved the whole idea and it was like, she's basically saying You don't love food. Yeah. Like, at all. 'cause you're not even tasting it, you're not even enjoying it. Right. It's not about the food.

It's not about the food. It's not, and so she has, you buy like a, a nice. Plate and you know, new stuff to like have like almost ceremony like when you eat to sit down and like enjoy every, I mean, it's interesting, but yeah, she says it's an act of self hatred, which was a real wake up call for me when I heard read that because I was like, okay.

It sounds very true. It is, yeah. Not something a loving, right. If you're loving yourself and especially like, you know, we were talking about we're not, we're not 25 anymore. Right? Right. Like we need to not think about today. We need to think about what is our quality of life gonna be when we're 80 years old?

'cause we're probably gonna live to 80, so it's not gonna be a matter of if we live to 80, it's gonna be, what is that quality of life? You know, I, I've got, um, my dad's at a local, uh, retirement, um, independent retirement, and he's got a little cul-de-sac with these, these 80-year-old ladies, and one goes deer hunting.

In her eighties. The other one just got back from a, um, she did a, like a mission trip to build a ramp for someone disabled to get in their house with a wheelchair. Like, I mean, things like that. Like that's what I wanna be doing. I mean, necessarily deer hunting or, you know, right. Construction, but, you know Right.

But I wanna be able to do the things that I wanna do when I'm 80, whatever that looks like. Right. And, and I think that should we, we, we can't even think 15 minutes ahead of us, let alone 15, you know, 20, 30 years. But we have to, because our bodies aren't as forgiving as they used to be. Exactly. So a couple questions.

Um, so many women struggle with emotional eating and don't even realize it. What are the first steps to becoming aware of the pattern? And the other question is, what role do you think people pleasing perfectionism and stress? You talked about stress plays in our relationship with food, but like the people pleasing the perfectionism.

Yeah. Let's, let's talk about that first and then I'll get into, get into the other one. We, we grew up with roles and a lot of us were told we are, you know, we were the smart one or the pretty one, or the good girl or the athlete, or, I mean, we have all of these labels that were given to us and then we learned that that's where our value comes from.

And then food gets introduced, right? Either as a reward or when we don't get the value from the thing we reach for food to fill that void. Yeah. So when we think about it from the perspective of, um, you know, so let's say perfectionism, let's talk about that. High achievers typically. So we're gonna be, you know, the, the, I mean, it doesn't even matter what the label is, but the high achievers, right?

And for high achievers we're like, okay, if I don't succeed, therefore I'm a failure. And it's kind of this, this, this polarity. So if I'm not in that high success, I am missing that value. My value is attached to that success. So when we're in that gap, we're like, okay. I need to feel that success in some way because I'm searching for it, but I don't have it because that thing that I did didn't work.

So now I'm not successful. I'm considering myself a failure. So what can I do to to, to fill that gap? And again, this is just decades of time we've been programmed. To reach for food. Right. And then you think from a people pleaser perspective, always giving to others, but never giving to ourselves. Mm-hmm.

So we give and we give and we give and we give because we think that if we give, we're gonna get back. But we never give back because those people that we give to do not give back to us. Yeah. So that is that gap. We, we, and we're looking for something to fill that gap. Mm-hmm. So what do we do? We reach for food.

Right. Yep. And then you talked about the stress and how we just kind of were eating and without mindlessly eating and stuff. Yeah. Um, so what are the first steps to becoming aware? I mean, I. It's kind of obvious, but perhaps maybe it isn't. And so many, I know men and women that struggle with emotional pain and don't realize, yeah, I can't tell you.

I mean, I work specifically with women in midlife, but I can't tell you, you know, I go to a networking event or something and you know, a man would ask me, Hey, what do you do? And I tell him and he's like, oh, well I emotionally like, I mean, it's just. It so many men deal with it too. I mean, it's, I think there was a, there was a survey that I saw and it said 80% of the individuals who actually, uh, answered the survey said that they consider themselves emotional eaters.

I mean, it is really common. Yeah. So I wanna get in, I've got a three step, uh, process that I wanna talk about. And, and that step one is that awareness. But I wanna take a step back first to create some clarity going into that process, to really kind of share how our brain works and how our brain works specific to emotional eating.

There was a researchers, researchers at MIT. And what they found was that the moment a craving hits your brain makes a decision in about half of a second. That's fast that you are going to eat the thing, and when your brain makes that decision, there are no other options on the table. That is the only option.

But then what happens is dopamine kicks in and we think dopamine, we think reward chemicals. We think, you know, babies and puppies, but dopamine is the anticipation Chemical dopamine does not happen when the food is in your mouth. Dopamine happens from the time that that 0.5 seconds, right? And, and you've got the fork up until your mouth.

So that's where the dopamine kicks in, is anticipation of eating. Food. Mm-hmm. And that is why these cravings are so obsessive. And, and I, and I, and I like to use this example of, let's say you're on a diet. You tell your spouse don't bring any junk food in the house. I'm on a diet. So you go to work, you have a hard day at work, you come home and your spouse brought home cupcakes, so there's cupcakes on the counter.

You had a hard day at work. That 0.5 of a second is I must. Have a cupcake, probably two or three to take the edge off because I had a hard day. I need to reward myself. I deserve it. Right to feel, yeah. The dopamine kicks in that, that, that anticipation. Chemical kicks in. You see those cupcakes? Your brain make that decision.

There are no other options on the table. You are eating the cupcakes. No other options. But then what happens? You eat the cupcakes. You feel guilty, you feel bad about yourself, the shame hits. So what do we do? We go yell at the spouse. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's a so, right, so so that is, that is what we're, that is what we are.

You feel shameful the whole rust we're looking at like, that's the thing, like I stopped doing that because I have more self-compassion anytime I want to. Um. Be upset with myself is when I'm absolutely compassionate, but I used to do that. I would overeat and then shame myself, and it's just. It's a terrible cycle, and I know a lot of people still do it, but yeah.

So you have the science backed approach, um, and you were gonna share one or two key principles. Yeah, yeah. It's a, it's a three step approach, and I like to think of as like a path in the woods. So we have decades of patterns and beliefs and habits and all of these things that food equals comfort. This is a well-worn path in the woods over decades, so it's, it is deep.

And what we are going to do with this three step process, we are going to get out the work boot boots. We're going to get out the gloves and we're gonna clear the, the, the brush and we're gonna get rid of the snakes and we're get rid of the rocks and we are going to make a new path. Nice. And that's exactly what we're doing.

So step one is see it. And that's where we use FBI inspired pattern analysis. Analysis. We actually uncover. The hidden patterns and those triggers behind emotional eating, because what we wanna do is we need to understand why do we reach for the food in the first place? Why do we reach for the food when the stress hits?

Yeah. And I know, yeah, I know that when I wasn't feeling enough or I would reach for food and I used to, yeah, I remember some, like I would, um, decide I'm gonna date and do some online dating and then have an experience. And then I, I was doing excellent with my, my. Nutrition and then I go on a date and it doesn't go well.

And then I'm like eating and I notice 'cause I'm very observant of my Yes. I'm the observant. That's exactly what, see it is. That's the awareness. Yes. Yeah. I see it. And um. Yeah. And so that was, that was really a powerful observation that I made and I was like, wow, this is so interesting. Right? So it's almost like I'm beating myself up or you know, I'm just, you know, eating my, this one girl calls it eating your feelings, but yeah.

Um, yeah. And so, so see it is funny, one of the, but I, but I think, and you said a, a really good phrase, Linda, and that is you beat yourself up. And we really need to approach this, see it from a place of neutrality to, to have that 30,000 view look. And, and, and that's what I teach the students in my program to do, is to have that neutral look so we can actually kind of look down on the problem set in a very neutral perspective.

So we aren't blaming ourselves, so we don't have that shame that we can just look at it as it is. It is neutral. It's like it's just a data point. It's just information. So now what are we gonna do with it? So that's where step two comes in. So step two is stop it. So it's see it, stop it. And again, we're gonna bring in more FBI inspired tactics.

We are going to interrupt the cycle in real time because what we wanna do is we wanna stop the cravings before they take over. So when you think about that path in the woods, you're coming up to a fork. So you've got that old path, decades of programming. You've got the new path that's still under construction.

So your brain in that 0.5 seconds, when the dopamine's hitting is like, Hey, let's go down the new the, or sorry, let's go down the old path. And you're in that that 0.5 seconds when the dopamine hits. This is where we're gonna do those pattern interrupts and we're gonna say, oh wait. Wait, wait. We're gonna go down the new path.

The new path is not shiny and new, yet the new path is still under construction, but we need to start going down that new path so we can make the new path. The one that's familiar. Yes. And what we do, this is where I pull in FBI tactics, they're called countermeasures. And countermeasures are, they're just tactical interventions.

So what we are gonna do is we're gonna intercept the cravings before they take over. It is, and this is the equivalent of potty training a puppy. It is the exact same thing. We are doing the exact same thing in our brain as we're doing When we potty train our puppy, you know, you have a puppy, you gotta take 'em out every hour, you know, go potty so the puppy doesn't, you know, poop on the carpet.

Right. That's exactly what we are. We are potty training our brain at this point. Okay. Um, I was gonna say that, um. What does it mean to fuel your body instead of fight your body? Because I think when we're consuming things, we're overeating or choosing the wrong thing. That is the habit that we have to shift.

And I think, well, for me personally, when I eat more protein and eat healthier, I am more full and I don't, yes, get. As Right, and I'm not as hungry. And I also notice another thing that I'm observing of is, do you know how like. You're not hungry, and then you open a drawer to get something that's not food, and there's something that is food.

Or you open the fridge to get a liquid and there's something like fruit and you grab it and I, I, I'll be like, well, you weren't hungry and you, if you didn't see it, you wouldn't have eaten it. But like, it's like outta sight, outta mind. It's, it's really. A thing. Yeah. So we'll get into step three here in a minute, but let me ask, answer your question.

When you talk about fighting or fueling your body, so, and we can look at it, um, I mentor, um, some girls for Go. Girls Go. It's like Girls on the Run and, and, and it's how I mentor the fourth graders, but the. It's totally appropriate for adults. It's belly hungry versus brain hungry. Mm-hmm. Is your belly hungry or is your brain hungry?

'cause there's a big difference. Yes. But we have, we have two systems in our brain. So we have system one, which is the limbic system. That's your automatic, um, and emotional decision making. So it's quick, it's automatic, it's emotional. That's when I, I say. You come home, you have a bad day, you see the cupcakes on the counter.

There are no other options on the table. You are eating those cupcakes. But is that like the subconscious programs? Yes. Okay. Yes. And then, but we also have system two, which is the prefrontal cortex. That's our analytical and our, and our, and our more decision making. Yeah, that's where willpower comes in are counting calories, and that's where the diet industry, so the diet industry is trying to solve this problem from a system two perspective, which is the free parental cortex when it's actually a system one problem.

Where it's, it's from that emotional automatic state. So when we talk about, you know, fighting our body versus fueling our body, that's a system one problem. And we're looking at system two tactics, willpower, calories, discipline, you know, macros, jumping on the scale, whatever that looks like to solve it.

But do, do you see the disconnect where Yeah, absolutely. We can't solve a system one problem with a system two solution, right? Right. So that's why we gotta do this from this kind of subconscious level. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, because, yeah, great question. Yeah, 95% of our actions and inactions are coming from the subconscious, so that's why I've been using EFT.

That's why I've been, you know, rewiring my subconscious. But it's not something that hap, you know, for me that happens overnight. I mean, can it happen overnight? Can that be the case with your clients, or is it over time? So the average student in my program, and it's called an accelerator, so it's a, it's more of a, a quick strike and the average student comes back in 10 days and says, I put the fork down.

I had a student like two weeks ago, I think, show up on a coaching call and it was five days. Wow. So it's, but I wanna make this very clear that five days, that 10 days, that's the first time it happened, right? That's the place where they're creating that new path and their brain for the first time says, I'm gonna go down that new path.

It, the path is not. Formed fully yet. This is actually perfect segue. This is step three shifted. This is where we actually rewire those automatic responses. So instead of going down the old path, your brain, you're, you're coming up on that fork in the road. You've got that 0.5 second to make the decision.

The dopamine kicks in and your brain is now on a new path. Yeah. This is the one that is automatic. It is effortless, and it is that healthier relationship with food. This is the one that fuels your body. This new path is the one that's sparkly and shiny and familiar. So when I talk about the the 10 days and then the five days for the one, this is the first time they're on the new path, but it takes.

It, it repetition. It takes a lot of repetition. Exactly. Yeah. To, to get down that new path on a consistent basis. Right. And, and you, you, when you think about it, this is the equivalent then of you have that hard day at work. You come home, the cupcakes are on the counter, and you're just like. Okay. They're neutral.

Food doesn't equal comfort. Food is just food. You can look at those cupcakes from a neutral perspective. You don't have that, that automatic dopamine obsession. I have to eat them. You just look at them and they're just cupcakes and you can walk away. Yeah. Yeah. And I was, when I, I teach a lot of self-love and worthiness and I'll say there's a distinction between I'm gonna allow myself this cupcake.

Because I love myself and I'm not gonna have this cupcake because I love myself. Right? Yeah. So sometimes you may have the cupcake, but like one, right? It's moderation, but um. But to eat all of them or to eat them, like, without even enjoying it because you're, you know, feeling a certain way. Right. But, um, what's your favorite simple shift or daily practice that helps women feel more in control of their health without obsessing I.

So you mentioned EFT. That is one of my favorite, uh, techniques to use. I also just like time in the quiet, because we don't have any time in the quiet. If we have a second, like if we're in line at the checkout, at the grocery store at Target, what do we do? We jump on our phone like we can't even be quiet for 90 seconds.

We can't even be quiet for two minutes to wait in line. Right. Generally, yeah. I like to quiet, but, but sometimes, like, sometimes I'm taking the dog out for a walk and I'm like, do I want the phone or not? Like, maybe I just wanna be in nature, but then there's like, oh, I might miss something like, um, you know, opportunity through.

But yeah, I, I love that. Like, yeah. And even, yeah, like I walk my, I walk my pug and I love to listen, you know, to podcast or books or whatever, and I'm like, you know what? Or music even. I'm like, you know what, I'm just gonna walk in quiet. You know, I mean, I've got the food for like an emergency or something.

I'm like, I'm just gonna walk and quiet. Like, I don't, don't need to. Yeah. Um, and then like, is, is it something where instead of eating in the at night, like you ate your dinner, like, I'm gonna go for a walk or I'm going to, you know, do something different. Is that part of the creating the new path? Right?

Yeah. Like creating new habits instead of, so, um, it's called the ego depletion theory, and I. The, and it and it, and it's basically the, it's basically decision fatigue. It's just, there was a researcher that called it something different, but basically what they found is that the more decisions that you make throughout the day, the less you have control over your eating at night.

And again, it's just simple decision, decision fatigue. They just call it the ego depletion study or the ego depletion depletion theory. But I mean, you think about it, you wake up in the morning. You don't have cravings. You wake up, you do your thing, you go to work, whatever. But in the evening, at night after dinner, you're like, oh my goodness, I need to eat everything in sight.

Like that's, that's where this comes in. So looking at it from the perspective of mean, you mentioned protein, obviously like protein is huge, especially for midlife, number one for our metabolic health. But number two, protein is gonna give us that satiety. So absolutely we. There was a study done that showed, um, women in midlife are 50 grams of protein deficient a day.

Oh my goodness. Deficient. Yeah. That is huge. We need to be eating about one gram of protein per ideal pound of body weight, and it sounds like a lot, but it really does help us to keep us. Full. Yeah. I have a nutrition coach front and she's been a little bit helping me and she says, almost 30 grams per meal.

Yeah, 30 grams per meal. And, and, but when we think about it from that perspective, protein is gonna help fuel us. But let's say there's a day, I don't know, we don't have any groceries in the house or we're out and whatever. We're not on our schedule. And let's say it's Costco Cake Day at the office or pizza lunch day at the office, and you're like, those triggers are there.

So even when we're fueling our body, we still need to address that underlying root cause. Okay. So what, what would you suggest when that's the case? There's, you know, they're gonna have pizza at work or you know they're gonna have cake. What do you, you just fuel yourself beforehand with nutritious? I mean, that is definitely one of the options.

And you know, and like I said, going through that three step process, it's, you know, it's a way to be able to, rather than fear the like, like freak out and like, oh my goodness. And like all the mental gymnastics of, I have to be good, I have to be good, I have to be good. To just be in that place where. That brain is rewired.

It's not a, it's not a doing. Yeah. Feel whole. It's a being feel whole and feel love for yourself and know that you're safe. Like the nervous system thing that you mentioned. Yeah. Like that's really what it is. It's like I don't 100%, you know, and because I've been on the journey, I mean, I was in the best shape of my life.

A few years, well looked, I looked, I don't know that I was in the best shape of my life, but physically I appeared in. A much lower weight. Um, but it was, it was, it was ego, it was willpower it. Well, and I was on a thyroid medication. Like there were things, but I had a boyfriend that influenced me in different ways.

But I just know that it wasn't exactly healthy, let's put it that way, where today I'm much more healthy and fueling my body, and if I allow myself to have a treat or something, it's not like I'm beating myself up over it. It's knowing that 80% of the time I'm eating well. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And you know, weighing yourself is really not even like, if I choose to get on the scale, I make, I say to myself, no matter what I see, I still, I. Have compassion and love for myself. Like it's not a, a, you know, one of my, uh, the, my jazzer size instructor, she's like, don't even weigh yourself. Like, really?

'cause you just, it's how your clothes fit, right? It's how you, you know, you look in the mirror. Right. But, and, and Linda, you brought up a really good point. You said a very important word, and that is safety. And that is one of the first things that I do with the students in my program, is I take them through an exercise that they can do.

In their own home to help them feel safe in their bodies, because that's really where we need to start, is to start feeling safe in our bodies. So somewhere along the way, there was this disconnect that happened and we, we don't feel safe, and we've got all of this external stuff coming at us on a daily basis, and we just don't have that time to just sit and be.

So it is a very important, uh, concept, like right at the beginning. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And um, something else you said just now made me think of. Um, oh, when I had another health coach, I only had her for a month, like, I don't know, four years ago. She goes, write down your emotions when you're eating. Write down your emotions.

And I was like, interesting. So I noticed and it was like when I was nervous. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that is so interesting. Right. So then I'm aware, yep. That's awareness. Awareness number. That's the C number one. Stop one. See it. Yep. Yeah. Okay. So what's more powerful than willpower when it comes to food and wellness? I'm not a fan of willpower because willpower is a system to function, so what is more powerful is getting to that. Yeah. Getting to that root cause. Yeah. Regulating your nervous system, rewiring those patterns. Yeah. And just having your superpower that it's automatic now.

Like, you know, how. When we leave work or leave house or whatever, leave the house in the morning and your, your teeth are brushed and there's probably coffee in your hand. Like that's how automatic we want this to be. That's how automatic it can be. Yeah. Is, you know, it doesn't matter if you had the worst morning ever.

Everything went wrong, you're running late, your teeth are gonna be brushed, your coffee's gonna be in your hand. That is non-negotiable and that's where we are gonna get to. That is possible, yes. To be in that place with food that, that it is that automatic, that as obsessive as the food noise and I have to have it.

We can go complete polar opposite and be at that much peace around food. Yes. And you probably don't like the word discipline either when it comes to food, right. I mean, I'm okay with discipline. I, I'm a person who, I do feel that I am very disciplined, but at the same time, we want to focus on those automatic habits.

Discipline is a, is a system to function. Mm-hmm. For me personally, though, I am, I'm better when I have. A plan. I'm better when my day is organized a certain way. I know that I'm gonna wake up. I know that I'm gonna meditate. I know that I'm gonna work out. I know that I'm gonna eat breakfast. Like I know, like I have my routine and I know that even if I wake up, even if I feel like I.

Crap that day, I'm still gonna work out, or I'm still gonna do this and I'm still gonna like all of these things. I'm still gonna do the thing. So that's where discipline comes in. So yeah, I think that one kind of comes in the middle. Consistency. Consistency and discipline. Yeah. Yeah. Um, what does living a worthy and abundant life mean to you now compared to when you were in your high stakes government career?

Hmm. You know, I feel like back to the whole discipline thing, I am a planner. I love to plan. And I go through, so I'm FBI, former FBI. My ex-husband was a, a retired Green Beret. So we did this thing, it was called PACE Planning Primary, alternate contingency emergency. So old me would've only been the planner, but knew me, understands that.

I like going through life with a plan. I don't wanna just wing it, but once that plan is set, I surrender. I let the miracles happen and I've, I'm under the impression from an abundance perspective that there are actually three I've, I've always heard two, but I actually added a third one law of. Not the law of abundance, but a law of abundance, if that makes sense.

So you either get the thing you want or you get the lesson that you need to get you to the next step. And I feel like those are two big, powerful laws, but I also feel like there's one that's missing and that is that the third option is that we can also, maybe it has nothing to do with us. And maybe we are just the mirror for someone else.

Maybe we are the mirror so that someone else can get their lesson or get the thing that they want. And whatever we are going through has nothing to do with us. And when you can look at every situation in life from that perspective, like that just opens up the floodgates for abundance to come in. Is that like the law of oneness?

It's not an actual law. I'm just saying like from a, but are you kind of saying like that we're all one consciousness where like Yeah, sure. For example, like. When I help you, I'm helping me. When I help me, I'm helping you kind of thing. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then we all get to be mirrors of each other. And you know, sometimes like you are like, why did this happen?

And you get all upset, you're like, well, maybe it wasn't about you. Maybe it was about someone else. And like their, their opportunity to grow. Their opportunity to achieve their opportunity. To achieve their abundance. Yes. And that. Looking at it from that perspective, I think opens up that door to have that neutrality to sit in that space of letting it in.

Hmm. Exactly. I love that. , What do you want every woman listening today to know about herself and her power to change her life and health? Hmm. To know that you have had this inside of you all along. It's just a matter of peeling back the layers and finding it again, and finding yourself again and coming back home to that place again, and that you're not alone.

And especially with emotional eating, that there are so many other women who are going through this that there's no shame. There's like, it is totally normal. It is a brain-based problem. You're not a failure. And there, there is hope on the other side. I love that so much because I feel like even if you do achieve weight loss or your weight loss goals or whatever, , doing it the traditional way and then not healing the core, like you said, the root cause, um, it's just gonna come back or you're just gonna walk around miserable.

Like really, honestly, like I. I just see these women that are like, they lost all this weight by these injections or whatever. I don't even watch the news, but there's some injection people are doing and I feel like nobody's happy. Like I wanna be happy and healthy and you know, comfortable, you know, in my body, like I've learned to love and accept.

This is a question for you. How important is it to love and accept your current body the way it is in this process? It's, I mean, it's a must. It's, I was actually just having a conversation with someone this morning, and we need to get to a place where we can love and value ourselves as we are, and when we can get to that place, that's when others.

They're always gonna mirror us. And I think so many women look to their spouse or their boyfriend or their career or their kids or whatever to give them that self-love and self validation. And when we can give that to ourselves like truly and fully, we're never gonna need it from someone else. I. Hmm.

Yeah, exactly. And I just feel like our bodies do so much for us and we have been criticizing our bodies and for so long and it's like been programmed in from society and TV and comparing and social media, media and Oh, look at her, and it's like. We get to, you know, who says this body is more attractive than this body?

Like, right, right. In certain countries, I'm just saying, but it's really a personal thing. It's not like, like I, I went on a date and, um, there was no attraction. I mean, he, whatever. And I asked, um, I might cut this part out. Um, and I asked something like in the. Text. Text and I said, is it? I said, I love, I'm releasing this extra weight, but I do love my body as it is, and I just wanted to ask if that was, you know, part of it.

And he said he thought I was beautiful and it wasn't that at all, and that it was some other thing he had about his own. But I just thought it was, I wasn't going to say, I will not criticize myself ever anymore. Like, you know, I try to not do that. I'm very conscious of the words that come outta my mouth and very conscious of how I treat myself, talk to myself and, , I teach self-love, right?

And worthiness because I never had it. So like, I like mm-hmm. You know, you're good. I love you kind of thing. Right. Touching my body. And so I just was asking because I thought that was really interesting. I mean, like I said, the Maryanne Williamson book, that was just like such a, so eye-opening when she said it's an act of self hatred.

I was like, woo. I mean that's very interesting. Um. I would love for you to tell everyone where they can find you, but I do have some quick rapid fire questions, and then is there anything else you wanna share? Yeah, I have, um, a gift for your listeners so we can do the rapid fire and then I'll, I'll share that.

Okay, perfect. Um, what's one wellness practice? You swear by being in the quiet, lots of time in the quiet coffee, tea, or something else to start your day. I start by day with, uh, it's called Bone and Brew. It's a bone broth. It's, uh, lightly caffeinated and tastes like creme brulee. Ooh, I, I can get it on Amazon.

I'm interested, um, a mantra or affirmation you live by. Oh my goodness. Uh, this or better. Ooh. What's your favorite book that changed your mindset? Wow. Um. Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning. Mm. Were you on his show? I was. Oh, amazing. I thought I saw that somewhere on your social media. That's so incredible. I love that.

Thank you. Um, one food you'll never give up no matter what. Oh my goodness. Uh, don't come after me for this one. Bacon. I get my bacon right from the farm, so it is literally, oh my goodness. It is literally from pig to my stomach, so. Oh wow. I gotta tell you, I get fresh bacon and it is so good. It tastes nothing like the stuff in the store.

Right, right. I did just make mushroom bacon and it's actually really delicious and a lot of sodium, but it was. I found it here and I, that was really good, but not the protein. Um, your dream vacation destination right now. Right now, uh, I love the Phoenix and Sedona area. Me too. It's one of my favorite places to go.

Oh my God. Where are you in the world? I'm in Pennsylvania, so I'm in, like, I live in the middle of nowhere, central Pennsylvania, so lots of cows and cornfields and Amish and actually get my, my bacon from an Amish farm. So it's pretty Oh, very nice. Um, what's one word that describes this season of your life?

Um, I am not going to curse, but my, uh, kind of life mantra for this year is f Yeah. Oh, I love that. I thought you can fill in the blanks. I thought freedom was gonna be your word, but, um, my word for the year, just. Was ease. Mm. I love that. Oh, that was my word for this year. Um, and then if you could time travel to give your younger self advice, what would you say in one sentence?

Mm. I would go back to elementary school on the playground where. I was slow. I was always it when we play tag and the bullies decided to call me the nickname it, and I would tell my younger self that that name means absolutely nothing. And it's not who you are. Mm. Oh. So, God, I know, I love, I love kids. Um, and then finish this sentence, worthy and abundant means, Hmm.

Means that everything in anything is possible. I. Mm, I just had a season, um, I'm not gonna get into the details, but I just had a season where the synchronicities were ob. I called them obnoxious synchronicities because God's universe was trying to get my attention, and if it would've been small, it wouldn't have worked.

And I really like to be open to seeing that anything is possible. I love that we're like soul sisters. I love that so much. 'cause I always say magic and miracles happen every day. And the last question is, what is lighting you up the most right now? What is letting me up the most right now is Best day energy.

Um, I've been doing a, uh, kind of a take on it and then a friend of mine was doing it and then we had this conversation and we just turned it into a thing and it is waking up with this is the best day ever energy, like, like a dog, like everywhere a dog goes, a dog can change a room and it's like, woo-hoo.

Best day ever. Right? Like, yeah. That's the kind of energy waking up with. This is the best day ever and it's been a game changer. That's so cool. This has been so much fun talking to you and valuable. I love this. Um, where can people find you? Yeah, Linda, so I wanna do something really special for your audience since they stayed to the end of the episode, and I've got a, a very special gift.

And before I dive in, I wanna make sure that you know who it's for. So this is gonna be for the high achieving woman in midlife. Who isn't in control around food and she's stress eating. You're mindlessly snacking, hijacked by the food cravings and the food noise and just kind of nodding along and like listening like, yeah, I wanna get control over this.

So if that's you, you are gonna be obsessed. So I've got, um, it's called the emotional eating tactical blueprint, and it's got two gifts inside. So number one, you actually talked about it, it's the psychological profile. You actually get to, I had analyzed 1,791 cravings profiles to create this layers of data, and what you're gonna do is uncover your number one emotional and stress eating trigger and actually understand what's driving those triggers.

It is, and you took it, I mean, it's pretty intense and everyone so far has taken it, for the most part, have been like, yeah, it's pretty accurate too. So it's a, it's a psychological profile to really uncover that emotional eating. And then the second thing in the bundle is something that I actually pulled out from something that I reserve exclusively for my clients, so totally free, but it's something that is only found inside of one of my paid programs, and it's called the Crime Scene Files.

It's the emotional eating edition. And so you've got the the profile to help you understand what the triggers are. This is actually some tools to help you start to learn how to intercept those triggers. And this is kind of cool because I designed it true crime style. Had to put the FBI hat back on. So if you've loved the True Crime Podcast or the CSI shows on tv, you are gonna get totally geeked out with this 'cause it's really cool.

So it's, again, it's the emotional eating tactical blueprint and it's absolutely free. It's my thanks for, for, for you, for hosting me and, and, and for your listeners to listen. So go to my Instagram and it's at Holly dot Bertone and it's B-E-R-T-O-N-E. Holly dot Bertone on Instagram. DM me the word Blueprint.

Blueprint and I will send it over to you. Sounds amazing. We will put all those links in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here. I love talking to you. Yeah, thanks for having me. This is a great conversation. Yes, thank you.